I have created my first ancillary text, which is my magazine review. I created this on Photoshop and am quite happy with how it turned out. Although, I may change some things that I have written in my review once I have edited more of my film.
As I am happy with this draft, I have decided to get feedback from my target audience so I know how to improve. I have set up some questions on google forms, ready for some feedback on this draft.
To get my feedback, I decided to hold a focus group so I could get detailed feedback from each individual. This focus group consisted of 10 people, all from my target audience (aged between 16 and 21) and this is what they said:
Strength: I like how the story is straight to the point because you want to make sure that your whole point comes across strong and not deviate from your message which I feel is great. You kept it simple so anyone could understand it as it is obvious for anyone that what’s happening to the protagonist is heartbreaking.
Improvement: Rather than emphasising the word ‘depression’, use another word that gets the message through to the reader or viewer because the word depression wants people to look away. I suggest including words such as hopelessness, despair, isolation or desolation. Also, try not to say ‘bully’ so much because it feels overused. Try using another word because you don’t want your movie to be like any other. In ’13 reasons why’ they didn’t use the word bully as much which made it a great show.
Also, when you say “The main causes…wishes to be at peace” I feel personally that when you are writing about your short story you shouldn’t keep it so simple. For instance, I feel it should be phrased like this “The mental and psychological effects that the main protagonist that she deals at her school (is it a high school? be a bit more detailed so people can relate) by certain individuals causes her suffocation on top of her father passing away. Makes her life just as hard, she tries to find her lost happiness however, circumstances don’t allow her to feel like this.” For me as a reader if I read the plot I would be like oh it’s a bully story so I don’t need to watch this video, I feel like you should be making the reader more curious to your story.
Strength: I like the overall layout of it all as it is simple but effective.
Improvement: There are some spelling issues; you put ‘moster’ instead of ‘monster’.
Strength: It looks good overall, it seems quite professional and effective.
Improvement: The only thing I would change is the stars as I don’t think they are as professional.
Strength: I really like the image that has been used and the positioning of it.
Improvement: The stars seem like they have been stretched out so maybe reshape them to make them look more professional. Also, I’m unsure of the spaces that have been left at the beginning of each paragraph.
Strength: Effective layout and good amount of writing. The reader doesn’t feel thrown by the amount of writing and I think the font size and type is perfect.
Improvement: There are some spelling mistakes that need to be fixed.
Strength: I like the gaps at the beginning of each paragraph as it seems right for a magazine review and is easier to read.
Improvement: The stars seem to be stretched out and it would also look better if the stars were one solid colour rather than faded.
Strength: It looks really professional as a magazine review and is easy to read.
Improvement: The gap between the stars and the text below it seems quite big.
Strength: I really like the overall layout as it looks very professional. I also like the image that has been used.
Improvement: I think there is too much writing which is thrown at the reader.
Strength: The use of columns is very professional and is an important convention of a magazine review that has been included.
Improvement: I think there is a lot of writing and can be made to be more spacious by making the description/plot in a larger font size so it stands out and removing some writing from the review itself.
Strength: I really like the overall layout as I feel like I would really see this review in a magazine which is great. I also think that the language that has been used is very professional and fitting to a magazine review.
Improvement: The only improvement that I can suggest is the stars. I think that they lack in professionalism due to the colour and size. They look a bit stretched out and I don’t like the fact that they have been faded as I would expect to see one consistent colour in the stars.
I have taken all this feedback into consideration and have come up with a list of improvements that I will adapt to my magazine review.
Here is the list of improvements:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary rather than repeating the words ‘depression’ and ‘bully’. Language should be slightly more professional overall.
- Fix spelling errors.
- Make the stars more professional – not faded and not reshaped.
- It should be more spacious – spread out the writing so there aren’t any major gaps.
All these improvements will be added onto my current magazine review and will be presented through my second draft. I aim to get this done soon as I can, and then I will get feedback once again and be ready to create my final draft. I will also be talking to my media teacher about it and include any improvements she has to offer.
I got all the feedback that I was expecting, therefore I am happy with where I am right now. I don’t think it will take me long to add all my improvements and my second draft should be ready by mid January.